Along the Tracks

Friday, April 07, 2006

10 listings for jobs Americans (apparently) won’t do

With the president and politicians from both sides of the aisle telling us we need illegal immigrants to do the jobs Americans won’t do, I decided to put together some employment listings to help along the process.

* Wanted: Congress person who refuses to hold special private meetings on policy or legislation with anyone who is not a constituent.

* Opening available in a major media outlet for a journalist willing to investigate and report stories based on something more than his or her prejudices.

* Needed: Anti-war foreign policy analyst with a practical alternative to offer.

* Rare opportunity: Our major newspaper chain is seeking an executive editor willing to defend the rights of a free press in the face of intimidation by Islamic fundamentalists.

* Serious inquiries only: Looking for a business negotiator for our labor contracts. Must only commit our company to retirement benefits we can actually afford to meet, rather than count on the government to bail us out when the bill comes due.

* Do you like a challenge? Become our union’s chief negotiator. We need someone who recognizes the limitations of the companies with which we contract and won’t sell out our younger members with pie-in-the-sky retirement promises we all know will never be kept.

* The U.S. government is seeking top quality managers with emergency experience and a logistics background to maintain preparedness in case of manmade or natural disasters.

* Wanted: Someone to tell President George W. Bush when he is wrong. This is a cabinet-level position.

* Looking for a political strategist who isn’t constantly attempting to cobble together a special interest group to mine for donations and votes.

* Needed: A competent, dedicated law enforcement officer to lead the department with the responsibility to protect and defend our nation’s borders and its immigration laws.

Other listings for jobs Americans won’t do may be added to the comments below.

Wanted: Senators and Representatives that will apply the Sarbanes-Oxley financial responsibility laws to their own budgeting. (See: The United States would not pass Sarbanes-Oxley review)
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