Along the Tracks

Monday, October 14, 2002

Quit p!&#&! on my pasta!

Mary McGrory, never more than a snippy yap-dog of a columnist, has stepped off the cliff (Clift?) of irrelevance with her latest meanderings, found here. In it, McGrory grabs us by the scruff of our necks and rubs our noses in it for embarrassing her in Italian high society. She rolls up an exquisite Renaissance masterpiece and smacks us across the nose, “Don’t you ever vote for that nasty George W. again!”

You see, as she tells us, all her oh-so-important rich acquaintances and patrons are aghast that America would even consider taking action against a murderer bent on slitting our throats. In particular, they wonder about Bush’s stability. “Is he crazy?” the Italians are asking McGrory - including Fillipo the van driver who takes both hands off the wheel and turns around to pose the question while driving. I can only ask McGrory: Why were you not riding in the horse-drawn carriage to the villa with your dear friends? Are they that offended?

“War,” says the queen of Washington media, “could bring death to the fun in the piazzas on sunny afternoons. Fillipo and Doris (a performing dog - I kid you not) could lose their jobs.” Tragic. Death to fun, loss of jobs for dogs - that’s sure to flatten the Chianti. Of course, if you want to get technical (you know, like Don Rumsfeld and Condi Rice do), things could be worse; for instance, no fun because there are no people, loss of jobs because everyone is dead (including canines), all the infrastructure is obliterated and the landscape is contaminated for 100 centuries. Rome, after all, will be within range of Iraqi missiles before McGrory finishes the lease on a new Lexus. But hey, what’s 10,000 years, when the city itself is eternal?

The closing paragraph wraps with a lament that all which is wonderful about Italy and Italians might be lost to rich American visitors if we offend residents of the peninsula by going to war. She - with every other self-righteous liberal scold - does not take into consideration the likelihood that all which is wonderful about Italy and the rest of Europe, along with every other “tourist paradise” in the world, will be lost for the rest of civilized humankind’s days on the earth if we do not prevent the attack which is sure to come.

I won’t even mention what could happen to our homes right here in America. That doesn’t seem to be one of McGrory’s concerns.

P.S. - Thanks to Andrew Sullivan for pointing out McGrory’s, er, “exceptional” column.

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